Jul 12 2008
The Plight of the Single 30something
I met with a Single friend the other night.
We started talking about the fact that nearly all of our friends are married or getting married.
Rather than feeling jealous or sad about this, both of us feel a bit annoyed.
Not at our friends. No, we are happy for them, assuming they are happy.
What we feel annoyed by is the assumption of others that we too are hoping to be married soon. That we feel desperate to be married. That we feel sad or jealous that we too aren’t married.
My friend is going to be 30 in November; I will be 32 in September. We both are happy to be single and neither of us is looking to be married next week.
This is not to say that we don’t want to marry one day. But that one day is not in the immediate future for either of us.
Being a tad older, I get a lot of crap from some of my friends and from some family or near family. They do the, “oh when are you getting married?” or “why aren’t you married?” or “seeing anyone special?” or, my personal favorite, “that clock is ticking, you better get moving on finding a man!”
Thankfully, for me and for them because they’d get the tongue lashing of a lifetime, my parents do not push. They do not care if I ever get married. They’d rather I stay single rather than end up with a man that would treat me badly.
My friend, on the other hand, her parents are quite pushy about it.
While we were out, we exchanged recent stories of people trying to set us up. These are 2 prime examples of the obvious desire others have for us to be with someone, and the apparent feeling that they think we are desperate.
I went first.
Last week, my oldest friend’s mom was in from out of town. She stopped by with a friend that day. After a couple of hours of talking, mostly revolving around their very devout religious ideas which consist of anti-gay, anti-choice, anti-everything remotely moderate, but especially anything liberal, and hours of me mainly smiling and nodding keeping my thoughts to my self, they decided they had to run off to Bible study.
I stand to walk them out and the friend said, “my you are tall! How tall are you?”
I told her I am 5’10.
She said, “you need to marry a man at least 6’3.”
I jokingly said, I need to find one first.
She said, “I have a nephew who so like 6’10.” I began to laugh at the exaggeration and the immediate thought to match me with him.
My friend’s mom said, “really? You have a nephew that is tall and he is single? How old is he?”
Her friend replied that he is 40.
My friend’s mom yelled, “oh that is perfect! They would be a great match!”
As if him being tall and 40 somehow was all I needed out of a man, but let’s not forget the fact that I have no desire to be set up. I turn and go back in the house so they cannot see me cracking up.
In the meantime, my friend’s mom says, “oh it’s perfect, and she’s never been touched!”
I am rolling with laughter at this point. How would she know that? She wouldn’t. So what would make her think that is true? I assume she thought her daughter was a virgin on her wedding night? Not to mention the very bizarre comparison to a new car. Zero miles, never driven.
Her friend says, “Oh great, I have to get your number!”
My friend’s mom says, “don’t worry I have it!”
I am waiting for a call from a 40 year old giant who is most likely gay or living with a stripper and is just afraid to tell the religious zealous aunt.
I conclude my story and my friend tells me hers, while much shorter, very evident to the plight of the single and happy 30something.
Her parents had met with her financial planner brother and a lawyer friend of his to work out some Will things.
A few days later, my friend was with her parents and brother and the parents suggested he set her up with the lawyer friend.
The brother says hesitantly, “no, I don’t think he’s really her type.”
Parents: “Why not? He’s nice. And he’s not that hard to look at.”
Not that hard to look at. Not, he’s not bad looking. He’s not that hard to look at. If my friend were desperate or homely in some way, I could see them trying to fix her up with someone unattractive, even if she was interested in being set up.
She went to the computer and pulled up his website. She called in her mother and said, “this? This is the guy you want to set me up with? Looks aren’t everything, but there needs to be some attraction!”
Her parents, very unlike my own, are desperate to marry her off. They feel she needs to be married so that if something happens to them, they will know she is taken care of. As if she cannot take care of herself or as if being married guarantees that you will be cared for.
So, I give you the plight of the happily single 30something.
Forever to be tortured with loved ones lovingly trying to make us happy without realizing or understanding that we are already happy.
