Aug 20 2008
Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Leave Me The Hell Alone
Why do people feel the need to play matchmaker?
It has always peaked my interest, but the older I get the more fascinated I become.
The reason being that the older I get, the more people want to play matchmaker.
I have never enjoyed the whole matchmaking process. I’ve had people try to match me with others since High School and I’ve never liked it.
There is a lot of pressure placed on a person when a person they care about insists they meet someone they think would be a great match. If you don’t like or hit it off with the other person, it’s as if you’ve offended the matchmaker.
I adamantly put an end to it pretty early on.
Those that don’t know me or don’t know me well are unaware, so they keep trying. Much to my dismay.
There are times that I find it amusing, though. For example, last week Patricia left me a comment on a post playing matchmaker with her son. It was cute.
But other times, I just am dumbfounded.
Friday night at my mom’s surprise party, it happened twice!
The first person was a friend of my mom’s. She is a little odd, but very sweet. Everyone asks similar questions. They sometimes lead to the matchmaking and I can hear it coming in the tone.
She said, “so, are you seeing anyone?”
Uncomfortably, “not currently.”
“How old are you?” Oh lord, here it comes. I answered her.
“Hmmm, I may have to introduce you to my brother.”
Now from what I am told, her brother is a loser. By loser I mean, 40’s, lazy, drinks/drugs, unstable.
Several minutes later, another friend of my mom’s says to me, “so, are you in a relationship?”
“Nope, I’m picky.”
“You should go talk to the guy out there. I know him from the neighborhood growing up. He’s a fireman.”
“Okay,” I humor him.
Here’s the thing. One of my best friends tells me that the reason people do this is because when you get to a certain age, people think you ought to be at a certain point. Married. And they want you to be happy. Because the only way to be happy is to be married, apparently.
I say Bullshit!
Look, first off, you should find out if a person is interested in being in a relationship or dating before you start matchmaking. Not everyone WANTS to be married. There are times in a persons life that they may NOT want to be dating. Not EVERYONE wants to man-hop.
Secondly, you should actually know the person to some extent. A friend of a friend or of a family member does not constitute knowing a person. You really can’t match people you don’t actually know.
Thirdly, we all know what assuming does, so if we go with my friend’s generalization that normal people reach a certain age and want or ought to be at a certain place, yes, you are making an ass of yourself.
Finally, you should, oh, I don’t know, actually match people. No, I don’t mean go, hey you’re single, he’s single, that’s perfect! No, it’s not. Just because he likes red and I like red doesn’t mean we should get hitched! You should find out if we have similar interests or desires for our futures before you say hey, you’d be perfect.
Single + Single = Match. I don’t think so!
One more because I’m on a roll.
You might think I am a good catch (and I am, damnit), but that does not mean that I would be good for your “friend” or brother or nephew or whomever you are trying to hook me up with. I am not here to save your loser family member and I am not here to be some experiment to find out if a good woman can change him.
I want a man that is my equal, that is already complete.
I don’t go to Ikea because I want my shit already assembled. I do not want to have to put it together myself and struggle with the missing pieces. I want it ready to be an already complete part of my life.
Now, I know relationships are work. But there is a difference.
Henceforth, anyone who wants to set me up with someone will be required to fill out an application, run a background check and have a psych evaluation. I am TIRED of all the losers and mentally unstable applicants getting tossed at my feet by well-intentioned loved ones (mine or his).
I will be happy to review any applicants submitted that are kind, funny, smart, able to hold a conversation, stable, employed, self-sufficient and any other GOOD quality. Fixer-uppers need not apply.
It’s a good thing I wasn’t drinking when I got to that Ikea line or I’d have water all over my computer. LOL I agree about not wanting a fixer up…speaking of which I know two great guys ;) Where do I get that application ():o)
grr!
“could not open socket” …what kind of error message is that supposed to be! gotta love geeks.
anyway …trying again…
great article..and great attitude also.. way too many people are willing to settle for those fixer uppers …and then find out that they don’t want to be fixed.
:) always love reading your posts! By the way, i know a great guy for you…. haha
http://danyellefaust.blogspot.com
Thanks!
@eclecticbird, I’m glad I didn’t ruin your PC!!!
@flit, could not open socket…very odd. I think the settling thing is why a lot of marriages don’t work out…I’d rather be alone than with someone who is bad for me.
@Danyelle and eclecticbird, I will send you the application for those guys! :P
whew! i’m not alone! hahaha… i wonder why almost all the people i know are so eager to find someone for me. asking for my mobile number so they could give it to someone… arggghhh!!! i’m not that desperate to find one! hahaha…
kuting, I have often wondered if people actually think being single = desperate. I’ve said to a friend, I’m not desperate, and she says are you sure? How rude! If I just wanted to be with a guy, I could do that no problem, but I have standards, ya know? I’m glad to know I am not alone in my matchmaking hell! :D
If this is any comfort - I was 43 1/2 when I got married - I liked being single and after 18 years I’m still not sure I like being married (tho admittedly my husband is a great person and I love him). People rarely ever tried to play matchmaker with me probably because I wouldn’t let them - my answer always was “If he’s so great, YOU date him, I prefer to make my own mistakes” Big smile, deaf ears - it works.
@broadway, that could work, except the people matchmaking are already married or they are matching me with their family members…hehe! I usually say, if they push me to get married, if I want a child right now, I’d have one… :D
I hate it when people try and fix me up. Everyone always has ‘the perfect person’ for me. So then they take it upon themselves to bring that person into my work and it’s just so awkward, neither of us know what to do when shoved together like that!
I’m never going to be set up again because of the many horrible dates I’ve had from this. And then I always feel bad for the person that set us up, like I have to explain why it didn’t work out.
dianae, yes, it’s that obligation we end up feeling. I was at a wedding once and my coworkers had said “do you see any guys you like here” to which I said no. We are dancing and I see one of them go over to the bride and whisper something. The next thing I knew, she brought some guy over and just walked away. That was, I think, the most awkward moment ever. We both looked at each other like, what the hell just happened. He said he was going for a drink and I excused myself as well to go outside and cool off. I was so angry!
I loved the post. I think your thinking is nearly matching the great sukrat’s cocept.
thanks!
hey
I can’t agree with what you wrote really….
please explain in detail a bit more for me :D
thank you