30somethingandsearching

I am starting to recover from the holidays.

I had a nice Christmas.

Christmas Eve was questionable, however.  I always have delusions of grandeur for Christmas Eve.  I always picture it as this beautiful, pleasant, happy day, but it is always chaos and tension.

My mom brought my uncle and two (adult) cousins to my sister’s house in my car.  I have a Grand Am, so it’s small and low to the ground.  Fine for someone who is mobile, but for a grown man who is overweight with congestive heart failure and zero mobility, it is hell.

My cousins lifted him from his scooter to put him in my car and nearly dropped him.  They got him in and basically shoved his body into the car.  Getting him in to go to my sister’s was not as bad because it was in the condo garage.  My sister does not have an attached garage or even one an extra car could get into, so my two cousins, step-dad and brother-in-law all worked to get him out of the car (and back in to go home later) in the bitter cold and wind.

It was a hard day for my uncle physically and stressful for everyone around him.  My mom and grandma focus on him, what he needs and his comfort and do so in a high- strung mode. 

My cousins, as I have mentioned before, are both heroin addicts.  The younger deals better and wants to be clean; he can stay sober for several months at a time.  The oldest has spent 95% of his adult life behind bars.  He has been out (this time) since August and has not been able to stay clean for very long.  Because of this, we all carry very little money on us and I left all my credit, debit and gift cards at home.

The holidays are hard on them because their mother left when they were little and died of an overdose (yes, their addiction is genetic, she used long before she married my uncle, though he had no knowledge of that, and doctors have said it literally was in their blood at birth) over a decade ago.  When the youngest is sober, he doesn’t drink at all.  Last year, he did well and did not drink.  This year, they both were trolling for alcohol. 

I could tell in the oldest’s eyes and attitude, before he looked for alcohol, that he was high or looking for a fix.  I’m not sure about the youngest, to tell you the truth.  He looked odd, but he also didn’t feel well.  You can usually tell very quickly with him and not with the oldest, but it was reverse this time.  I told my sister as soon as I noticed it and we went to clear out her bathroom cabinets of any over the counter stuff they might swipe.  She doesn’t have any prescriptions.

Isn’t that a terrible way to live?  To have to secure your belongings in your own home?  We’ve dealt with this for as long as I can remember.  Even before they started with drugs, they stole from us.  It does not help my uncle’s MS either.  Stress is the worse thing for it.  And all they do is create stress.

I did my best to ignore all that and focus on my niece and nephew.  Thank God for them on so many levels.  We played Wii with them, which was fun.  I had never played before.  They are hysterical.  Both are very competitive.  My niece is really good at all the games.  My nephew is struggling with some, but he is only 3 (almost 4). 

They were adorable with the magic of Christmas this year.  My niece (6), especially.  She believes so strongly in Santa and just exuded her excitement about her excitement was contagious.  It was the most precious Christmas.

Christmas day was nice.  It is just my mom, step-dad, grandma, my sister’s family and me.  It was nice and happy and pleasant and Christmassy.  No stress, just fun.  My sister got in some trouble though, because after we opened gifts and had dinner, we were around the table munching on cookies and fudge when someone said something about Christmas and I said it was baby Jesus’ birthday.  My niece said, “it is?” in complete shock.  Then she said, “but he’s not really real, right?  I mean he isn’t here anymore?”  I said, “he is real, but he died a long time ago.” 

So, my sister is in trouble for not teaching her kids better about what Christmas really is.  I’ve said before that we are not super religious, but she was married in a church and both kids were baptized in a church.  Her husband comes from a very religious family (though he is not) and we both grew up with 12 years of Catholic school.  We should be capable of teaching the kids about Christmas.  After being scolded my mom, she is looking into CCD.  

At almost 4 and 6, the kids are more interested in Santa and presents, but they need to learn the real reason for the holiday.

Speaking of Santa and presents, I got lots of clothes, 7 books, a cd, some gift cards, an Hallmark aunt ornament, my calendar and a few other little things. 

How was your Christmas?  What did you get?  Are you recovered yet?

PS: Happy Kwanzaa!  A Blessed Yule to all my pagan friends.  If I missed any holiday in my recent well wishes, I apologize!  I hope every one has had a wonderful Christmas and Chanukah. 

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